Your Tesla Optimus works hard. It sorts your packages, folds your laundry, and occasionally walks into walls. Doesn't it deserve to look good doing it?
OPTESSORIES is the internet's only dedicated accessory retailer for the Tesla Optimus Gen 2 humanoid robot. We ship worldwide. We don't ask questions. We respect the robot.
╔══ HATS ══════════════════════════════════════════════╗
Because nothing says "I take my robot seriously" like a well-chosen hat. All hats are precision-fitted to the Optimus Gen 2 cranial dome (circumference: 58.4cm). Magnetic attachment points. Rain-resistant. Dignity sold separately.
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/ \
| HARD |
| HAT |
\_____/
|=====|
OPTIMUS HARD HAT
Yellow polycarbonate. Comes with a little "BOB" name sticker because someone in the warehouse thought it was funny and honestly we agree. Will not protect Optimus from anything — its skull is already titanium — but it does make it look like it's about to inspect a building site, which is fantastic.
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| |
| ~~~ |
|_____|
/ \
/ ~~~~ \
/___________\
COWBOY HAT (FULL BRIM)
Genuine faux leather. Makes your Optimus look like it's about to round up cattle or star in a Levi's ad. Especially recommended if you've also purchased the belt buckle below. Complete the look. Be the cowboy you always wanted to be. Let your robot be the cowboy too.
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/ \
| ↑↑ |
| CHEF |
\ /
| |
| |
TOQUE BLANCHE (CHEF HAT)
For the Optimus that's been tasked with cooking duties. Does it burn everything? Almost certainly. Does it look like Gordon Ramsay while doing it? Absolutely. Note: Optimus cannot taste food. It will not know if the soufflé has collapsed. This is probably fine.
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_| |_
| MINI |
| TOP |
|______|
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TINY TOP HAT (FORMAL)
Absurdly small. Perches on the very apex of the Optimus cranium at a jaunty angle. Technically formal wear. Practically the funniest thing you will ever see a robot wear. Comes with a tiny monocle that serves absolutely no function. Perfect for dinner parties where you want to assert dominance.
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/ \
/ ELON FOR /
\ PRES. /
\______/
|beam|
MAGA-STYLE CAMPAIGN CAP
Red baseball cap. We've left the slogan blank so you can iron on whatever you like. Comes with three slogan patches: "MAKE ROBOTS GREAT AGAIN", "I ♥ LITHIUM", and "MY OTHER HAT IS A HARD HAT". Velcro back. Adjustable. The algorithm made us stock this.
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~ UK ~
~ FLAG ~
~ CAP ~
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UNION JACK BUCKET HAT
For the discerning British robot owner. Makes your Optimus look like it's on its way to a festival in a field that smells of overpriced cider. Pairs well with Wellington boots (see shoe section). Your Optimus will look properly mental. We mean that affectionately.
╔══ BELT BUCKLES ══════════════════════════════════════╗
The Optimus midsection is a canvas. Paint it gloriously. All buckles attach via our proprietary MagnaClip™ system (a magnet taped to the front, £3.99 separately). Compatible with any 2-inch belt. Optimus does not have trousers. The buckle is worn ironically, or seriously. We don't judge.
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| |
| ⚡ TESLA |
|___________|
| ≡≡≡≡≡≡≡ |
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TESLA LIGHTNING BOLT BUCKLE
Chrome-plated zinc alloy. 10cm wide. The Tesla lightning bolt, rendered in glorious relief. Technically brand infringement but we're operating out of a shed in Wolverhampton so good luck to their legal team. Makes your Optimus look like it's a superhero. It sort of is. This validates that.
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| ★ RODEO ★ |
| CHAMPION |
|___________|
\ ~~~~ /
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RODEO CHAMPION BUCKLE
Enormous. Brash. Wonderful. 15cm of solid brass-look zinc with a bucking bronco in the centre and "RODEO CHAMPION" engraved around the rim. Your Optimus has never been to a rodeo. It has never roped a calf. It doesn't know what a lasso is. None of this matters. Pair with cowboy hat. Become a legend.
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| [LED: ON] |
| ▓▒░ HI ░▒▓|
|___________|
BATTERY: ██
LED DISPLAY BUCKLE (SCROLLING TEXT)
8×32 LED matrix. Bluetooth-programmable via our app (iOS/Android, 3.1 stars, mostly functional). Scroll any message you like across your robot's midriff. Suggested messages included: "BEEP BOOP", "DO NOT TOUCH", "OUT OF ORDER", "I AM SENTIENT PLEASE HELP", and "HAVE YOU TRIED TURNING ME OFF AND ON AGAIN". Battery life: 6 hours.
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| ♛ CLASS |
| ACT ♛ |
|___________|
DIAMONDS
RHINESTONE LUXURY BUCKLE
Faux crystal rhinestones. Gold-plated. The words "CLASS ACT" are spelt out in gems across the face. This is for the robot owner who has truly lost the plot in the best possible way. Catches light magnificently. Will blind guests at parties. Your Optimus deserves opulence. Treat it.
╔══ SHOES ═════════════════════════════════════════════╗
The Optimus Gen 2 foot is a marvel of engineering. It also looks completely ridiculous without footwear. All shoes are size UK 20 (Optimus standard). Custom sizing available. Fitting guide included — it involves a spanner. Yes, really.
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| AIR OPT |
|_________|
/___________\
| ● ● ● |
\___________/
|||
AIR OPTIMUS TRAINERS
Nike Air-inspired silhouette in electric green and matte black. "AIR OPTIMUS" in block text on the side. The robot does not need air cushioning — its legs have active shock absorption worth more than your car — but it will look incredible walking to the charging station. Available in: GREEN/BLACK, WHITE/GREEN, ALL BLACK (stealth mode).
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| STEEL |
| TOECAP |
|________|
/__________|
| =========|
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STEEL-TOE WORK BOOTS
If Optimus is doing actual work — which is its whole point — it should have appropriate footwear. Steel toe cap (redundant, Optimus feet are already steel, but it's the principle). Leather upper. Vibram sole. EN ISO 20345 rated. Makes absolutely no difference to anything. Looks the part. That's what matters.
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/ ____/
/ /
( ( CROC
\ \____
\______\
O O O
CLASSIC CLOGS (CROC-STYLE)
The polarising footwear icon, now for robots. Comes with 12 Jibbitz charms including: a lightning bolt, a tiny wrench, a miniature Cybertruck, a thumbs up, and one that just says "BEEP". Ventilation holes for airflow (Optimus doesn't need airflow but we put them in anyway). Colour: Electric Green, obviously.
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/| |\
/ |WELLY | \
| |BOOTS | |
| |_______| |
|_____________|
| | | | |
WELLINGTON BOOTS (UNION JACK)
Knee-high rubber wellies, Union Jack pattern. For British Optimus owners specifically. Your robot will be ready for any field, any festival, any particularly bad Tuesday. Pairs with the Union Jack bucket hat for the full unhinged British countryside aesthetic. Waterproof to IP68. Your Optimus already is, but still.
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/ |
/ | HEEL
/ | ======
|____|
|HIGH|
|____|
STILETTO HEELS (12-INCH)
Matte black. 12-inch heel. Carbon fibre reinforced (you think we'd put a normal heel under a 72kg robot?). Adds 12 inches to Optimus's already imposing 172cm frame. Your guests will be terrified. Your Optimus will be magnificent. Balance is maintained by the robot's gyroscope — it will walk more elegantly in these than you ever will. That's fine.
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|SLIPP|
|ERS |
__| ___ |__
| BUNNY |
|___________|
NOVELTY BUNNY SLIPPERS
Giant fluffy bunny heads on each foot. Ears flop as Optimus walks — we engineered this deliberately. Squeak with each step via internal bladder mechanism. Optimus weighs 72kg. The squeaking will be profound. Your neighbours will hear it. This is between you and your neighbours. We take no responsibility. Extremely funny.
╔══ ADULT ATTACHMENTS ═════════════════════════════════╗
You knew this section was here. We knew you'd scroll down. Let's not pretend either of us is embarrassed. Tesla's engineers have left a frankly suspicious number of modular attachment points on the Optimus lower torso. We've done our civic duty and filled that void. All products are made from body-safe silicone or ABS plastic. All products are extremely real (they are not real). We ship in plain packaging. The return policy is: no.
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( O O )
( __ )
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VIBRO-3000
≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡
THE HANDYMAN™ — VIBRATING PALM ATTACHMENT
Replaces the standard Optimus hand with a medical-grade silicone vibrating palm plate. Seven speeds. Twelve patterns including "Jackhammer", "Tide Coming In", and one called "Elon's Vision" which is just constant maximum power with no modulation. Bluetooth programmable. The Optimus has 11-DOF hands normally — this replaces them with something arguably more useful depending on your priorities.
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| TORSO |
| WARMER |
|_________|
~ ~ ~ ~
WARM EMBRACE™ — TORSO HEATING SUIT
A full-torso wrap in heated medical silicone that brings the Optimus surface temperature up to 37°C — body temperature. For those who find the cold aluminium chassis a bit of a mood-killer. App-controlled. Heats to temperature in approximately 8 minutes. Optimus will not know what's happening. It will continue completing its task queue. This is probably fine ethically.
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| THRUS- |
| TIMUS |
| 3000 |
|_________|
( )==( )
PISTON SYS.
THE THRUSTIMUS 3000™ — PELVIC ACTUATOR MODULE
We went there. A hydraulic pelvic actuator module that replaces the standard waist joint with a purpose-built system capable of 200 thrusts per minute at up to 18cm stroke length. Carbon fibre frame. Runs off the Optimus's existing power supply — though we should note this does cause a significant battery drain and will trigger a low-power warning in the app. Tesla's app. That warning will appear in Tesla's app. On your phone. Consider that before purchasing.
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| TONGUE |
| MODULE |
| ~~~~ |
|__________|
SILICONE ++
THE LICKER™ — ARTICULATED TONGUE MODULE
An articulated silicone tongue with 3-axis servo movement, mounted to a facial attachment plate. 14 motion presets with names like "Deep Search", "Clockwise Enquiry", and "The Persistent Labrador". Body-safe platinum-cure silicone. Heated to 37°C. Optimus will execute tongue movements with the same calm, methodical precision it uses to sort packages in a warehouse. Some people find this ideal. We pass no judgement.
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| DONG |
| OPTIMA |
| Mk II |
|________|
| SIZE: |
| HUGE |
DONG OPTIMA MK II™ — PROSTHETIC GENITALIA MODULE
The flagship. The crowning achievement of our R&D budget (we had £400 and most of it went on this). Dual-density silicone. Three sizes: "Reasonable", "Ambitious", and "Hubris". Vibrating. Heated. Connects to the Thrustimus 3000 for combined operation if you want to make a day of it. We applied for a patent. The patent office sent us a letter. We've framed it. Ships in 3–5 days. Plain packaging. Your postman does not know. Probably.
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| MASSAGE |
| CHAIR |
| MODULE |
|_________|
≡ OPTIMUS ≡
≡ SITS U ≡
THE SADDLEBACK™ — RIDE-ON SADDLE ATTACHMENT
A padded leather saddle that mounts to the Optimus shoulders, allowing you to ride your robot like a very expensive, sentient horse that cost $20,000 and can do your laundry. Weight limit: 120kg. Optimus walking speed: 2.5m/s (we recommend indoors only, for multiple reasons). The saddle vibrates. Of course it does. Comes with reins that plug into the Optimus hand ports and allow directional steering. None of this is safe. The disclaimer is four pages long. We sell it anyway.
╔══ ABOUT OPTESSORIES ═════════════════════════════════╗
OPTESSORIES was founded in 2024 by a man who bought a Tesla Optimus, immediately thought "this needs a hat", and then couldn't stop. We are based in Wolverhampton. We operate from a shed. The shed is heated, barely.
We believe that as robots become part of daily life, they deserve to be personalised, celebrated, and yes — in some cases — intimately accessorised. The future is weird. We're leaning in.
We are not affiliated with Tesla, Inc. We have received no communication from Tesla, Inc. We are somewhat surprised by this. We remain ready for their call.
CONTACT
Email: [email protected]
Returns: We've thought about it and decided: no.
Press enquiries: same email, Dave deals with everything